Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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