I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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