I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
