I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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