So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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