That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize