When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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