I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
