I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
