Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
