she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
