one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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