There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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