As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
