the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
