I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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