Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
