Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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