There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dear god my vagina.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
