all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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