The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
