i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
