im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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