Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
