Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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