i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
