My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
