If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize