so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
