I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
