I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
