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idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
