It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
