Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
