just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
