I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
