I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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