New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
