the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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