If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
