my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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