let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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