Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
