i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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