i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
