well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
