At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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