his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
