im drinking this country out of the recession.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize