My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
