i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize