Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish i was in the wii world.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
