In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
