So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
