when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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