Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
