Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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