does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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