get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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