Ambien. No doubt about it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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