I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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