I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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