he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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