8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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