dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
