No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
