Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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