She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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