It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
