We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
