All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize