i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
