Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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