Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
