You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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