i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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