morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
