You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A+ Viking dick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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