good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
