i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
