I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
