he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
