4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
