I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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