I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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