You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
