I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
