Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
