i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
