Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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