All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
