Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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