There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
