We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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