lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
