get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize